10 things you need to ask yourself if you are thinking about having sex
Friday, January 25, 2013
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10 things you need to ask yourself if you are thinking about having sex ~ Most people have sex for the first time when they're 16 or older, not
before. If someone’s boasting about having sex, it’s possible
that they’re pretending.
Although there's a legal age of consent, it’s not necessarily the
right age for you to start having sex. There are no rules about how long
you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Being ready
happens at different times for everyone – don't decide to have sex just
because your friends are pressuring you. You can read this whole page or
go straight to the sections:
It's your decision
You can always choose whether you want to have sex, whoever you're
with. Just because you've done it before, even with the same person,
doesn’t mean that you have to do it again.
Working out whether you're ready is one of life’s big decisions.
You're the only one who can, and should, decide. Whether you're thinking
about losing your virginity or having sex again, remember the following
tips.
Talking about sex
It’s better to have an embarrassing talk about sex than an
embarrassing sexual encounter before you’re ready. There are lots of
things to think and talk about, such as:
- are you both ready?
- will you be having sex for the right reasons and not because of peer pressure?
Sex isn’t the only aspect of a relationship, and there are other ways
of enjoying each other’s company. Discuss what you want and what you
don’t want to do. You can do other things that you both like, such as
talking, meeting each other’s family and friends, going to gigs or the
cinema, doing sport, walking, and listening to music.
10 questions to ask yourself
You need to have the confidence to work out how you want to respond
if sex comes up, and how far to go. Ask yourself if you feel
comfortable. Is it the right time, in the right place, and with the
right person? Do you really trust the person, and do you feel the same
way about one another?
If you think you might have sex, ask yourself the following questions:
- Does it feel right?
- Do I love my partner?
- Does he/she love me just as much?
- Have we talked about using condoms, and was the talk OK?
- Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy?
- Do I feel able to say ‘no’ at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?
If you answer yes to all these questions, the time may be right. But
if you answer yes to any of the following questions, it might not be:
- Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
- Could I have any regrets afterwards?
- Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?
- Am I thinking about having sex in order to keep my partner?
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex. Even if
you’ve done it once or twice you still need to make sure that your
boyfriend or girlfriend is as keen as you each time.
Safer sex
When you decide to have sex, there's the possibility of pregnancy and/or catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as chlamydia. Whoever you're thinking of having sex with, it's important to talk about contraception and condoms before you have sex. Both of you have a responsibility to have this conversation.
Condoms
You need to use condoms to reduce the risk of catching an STI,
whoever you are having sex with. If you're a boy/girl couple, you need
to use an additional form of contraception to prevent an unintended
pregnancy.
Contraception
There are 15 different kinds of contraception, including the implant, injection, the combined pill and the progestogen-only pill.
Most kinds of contraception are used by girls, but both of you have a
responsibility to consider which you will use. A pregnancy will affect
both of you.
Lesbian, gay or bisexual couples
If you have lesbian, gay or bisexual sex you can still get or pass on
STIs. You still need to know about contraception in case you have
straight sex as well. Find out more about sexual health for women who have sex with women and for men who have sex with men.
How do I bring up the subject of safer sex?
Starting a conversation about the different types of contraception
could be a good way to start talking about other issues to do with sex,
such as how you feel about it and what you do and don’t want to do. You
could try saying, "I found out that there are 15 different types of
contraception…If we were to have sex, which one should we use?"
And researching the options together will help both of you feel more
confident and in control of the situation. Find out about the 15 different kinds of contraception.
You can get free and confidential advice about sex, contraception and
abortion at any time. Visit your local doctor, community contraceptive
clinic, sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic (find your local services) or young persons clinic (call 0800 567 123) to find out more.
Read the signs that they want sex
Many people are surprised when a situation leads to sex, so learn to
read the signs. If someone suggests that you find a quiet place, or
makes lots of physcial contact, or suddenly tries to charm and flatter
you, they might be thinking about sex, even if you’re not.
You need to decide whether you want to have sex. Don’t let someone
else decide for you by just going along with it. Make the decision in
advance and stay in control of the situation, especially if you've had
alcohol, because you'll be less inhibited.
If you’re not sure that you can stay in control, avoid situations
that could lead to sex, such as going to someone’s room or somewhere
quiet.
Alcohol or drugs won't help
Many people have sex or lose their virginity when they’re drunk.
After a few drinks, you're more likely to lose your judgement, and you
may do things that you wouldn't do normally. You may regret your actions
in the morning, and you won't be able to undo what you’ve done.
People are more likely to have sex without a condom when they're drunk. This can lead to an STI or unintended pregnancy.
Find out more about sex, alcohol and keeping safe.
Sex and the law
The law says that it's legal for you to consent (agree) to sex from
the age of 16. If you're under 16, you can get confidential
contraceptive and sexual health services, including abortions. You can
get free condoms from some GPs, community contraceptive or young persons
clinics, and Brook Advisory Centres.
If you're under 13, the situation is different because the law says that you can’t consent to sex at this age.
Find out more about confidentiality, whatever your age, in Will they tell my parents?
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title: 10 things you need to ask yourself if you are thinking about having sex
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